Effective Ways to Manage Your Child’s Tantrums

Every parent has faced it: a toddler crying, screaming or throwing themselves on the floor. Tantrums are one of the most common challenges in early childhood parenting. While stressful, they are also a normal part of development. This blog explores why tantrums happen, how to manage them effectively and when to seek help.

Why Do Children Have Tantrums?

Tantrums are usually an expression of frustration, tiredness, hunger or the inability to communicate feelings. For toddlers and preschoolers, whose brains are still developing emotional regulation skills, tantrums are a natural outlet.

Common triggers include:

• Fatigue or hunger

• Desire for independence (wanting to do things “by myself”)

• Difficulty expressing emotions

• Overstimulation or transitions

According to the Child Mind Institute, tantrums are most common between ages 1 and 4, when children are learning language and self-control.

Strategies for Managing Tantrums

Managing tantrums effectively requires patience and consistency. Here are evidence-based approaches:

1. Stay Calm Yourself

Children often mirror adult emotions. If you stay calm, your child is more likely to calm down, too. Take deep breaths, lower your voice and avoid shouting.

2. Acknowledge Feelings

Validating your child’s emotions helps them feel understood. Try phrases like: “I see you’re upset because we can’t have more cookies.” This doesn’t mean giving in, it shows empathy.

3. Offer Limited Choices

Too many options can overwhelm young children. Instead, provide simple choices: “Do you want the red cup or the blue cup?” This fosters independence while reducing conflict.

4. Distract and Redirect

For younger toddlers, shifting attention often works. Offer a toy, suggest a game or move to a different activity.

5. Use Consistent Routines

Predictable daily routines reduce stress and give children a sense of security. Regular meal times, naps and playtime help prevent tantrum triggers like fatigue and hunger.

6. Teach Coping Skills

As children grow, encourage them to use words, deep breathing or counting when upset. This builds emotional regulation skills over time.

7. Avoid Giving In

Giving in to a tantrum teaches your child that screaming works. Stay consistent with limits, even when it’s difficult.

Gentle Parenting Approaches

Gentle parenting emphasizes empathy, respect and guidance instead of punishment. Studies published in the NIH News in Health highlight that positive parenting practices, such as setting clear expectations and reinforcing good behavior, help reduce tantrum frequency and intensity.

Techniques include:

• Connecting before correcting

• Explaining consequences calmly

• Offering hugs and reassurance once the child calms down

When to Worry About Tantrums

Most tantrums are harmless. But consult a pediatrician or child psychologist if:

• They last longer than 15–20 minutes

• Happen daily with high intensity

• Include self-harm or aggression to others

• Continue beyond age 5

👉 The CDC recommends using positive parenting tips, such as routines, clear expectations and consistent responses to help manage toddler behavior.

Key Takeaways

• Tantrums are normal during early childhood.

• Staying calm, showing empathy and using consistent routines help manage them.

• Gentle parenting and positive reinforcement reduce tantrum frequency.

• Seek help if tantrums are extreme, violent or persistent.

References

• CDC – Positive Parenting Tips for Toddlers (2–3 years old) - https://www.cdc.gov/child-development/positive-parenting-tips/toddlers-2-3-years.html

• HealthyChildren.org (AAP) – Temper Tantrums - https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/what-is-gentle-parenting/

• Child Mind Institute – Tantrums and Meltdowns - https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/parenting/parentology/parenting-and-you/7-parenting-shifts-that-end-tantrums-without-punishment/articleshow/123495575.cms

• NIH News in Health – Positive Parenting - https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2018/07/positive-parenting

• NCBI – Temper Tantrums - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK544286/